I guess I need to get better at having more timely updates. She came home on Saturday, Dec 19th. We have been back to the Dr. 2 times and things are progressing very well. We appreciate the meals that many of you have brought. This has been the most needed time we have ever received meals so thanks so very much.
I have to say one story about Terese.
While Terese was in the hospital, she had to have constant care for a few days and then just the normal care after that. Every nurse loved my wife and it was because she had the light of Christ in her. It was convicting for me because I get mad and cranky when I need a simple shot and Terese is lovely when she gets over 500 stitches. She is pleasant even under difficult circumstances.
My favorite story was on the last day when the final nurse told me to go down and get the car and pull around to the front of the hospital. The nurse was calling for some other person to take Terese out in a wheel chair. As I was going out, I overheard this one lady on a cell phone saying to the person on the other end "Hey, I have to go now. I have to release my most favorite patient ever." I didn't know this lady and she didn't know me. I just smiled at her and got the car. When I pulled the car around, it was the same lady getting Terese. I was very encouraged to hear that about Terese. It was quite amazing for me as her husband to hear this. When you look at a treasure of a wife, this is what I treasure. She is so precious to me. I want to learn to be more pleasant even when times are hard. Maybe that is what God means when He says that Christians are different than the world. I always was taught as a child that we were different because we didn't drink or smoke or swear. I think I had it wrong for so many years. We are different because we can love the unlovable and we can rejoice when times are so difficult.
Thanks for all your prayers,
Bruce
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Out of ICU.... YEAH
Wednesday morning, before I was able to get to see her, she had a blood transfusion. That was a bit creepy for me but after talking to her Dr., he basically said that he would not have done it. The resident Dr just wanted to be safe since her counts were low. I got to see her Dr. twice yesterday and he said that all is well. She had a couple times where she had a fevor but he was not worried about that at all. He gave her the nod to get out of ICU, get on solids and walk. She did all three Wednesday.
She is now in a normal room. She is doing very well. I have checked out of the hotel next to Mayo and am back home. I am at work today and tomorrow but Terese is in good hands. I will see her at night and her mom will see her in the morning. Our plan is to be out of there Saturday morning. I am off next week so this will work out perfect. Thanks for all your emails, texts and prayers. They have been encouraging to all of us.
God bless, Bruce
She is now in a normal room. She is doing very well. I have checked out of the hotel next to Mayo and am back home. I am at work today and tomorrow but Terese is in good hands. I will see her at night and her mom will see her in the morning. Our plan is to be out of there Saturday morning. I am off next week so this will work out perfect. Thanks for all your emails, texts and prayers. They have been encouraging to all of us.
God bless, Bruce
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
What a long day
Yesterday was a very long day. We got to Mayo hospital at 6am. Terese got admitted and then by 8am, we had to say our good byes and they wheeled her off to surgery. Terese's mom, Josh, Caleb, Mark and Cami all came throughout the day for support. It was appreciated. The surgery was over at around 6:15pm and the Dr. came out and told us all about it. He said that Terese was doing well and is awake but will not remember anything. He told us that everything went well. The only complication was this one something that got kinked but they fixed it and it added about 40 minutes to the operation. Besides the time to fix it, there should be no other compilcations from that. 40 minutes is a long time for a 2 or 4 hour surgery but for a 10 hour surgery, it didn't seem that bad. I guess I should ask Terese huh??
I finally got to see her at 9:45pm. She will be in ICU for 2 days. When I came into the ICU room, all I could see is her feet. She had a large something on from her knees to her neck. She immediately said "Is that my man?". I knew she was awake then and I smiled. I then went to her side so I could see her face and gave her a little kiss. She could barly move her head. To be honest, it was hard to see her like this. I know the surgery was successful and for that, I am very thankful but I felt very bad for her. The room was wicked hot and she was wicked thirsty. She kept wanting some ice but they would not give it to her. They didn't want her to get sick.
I got back to my hotel at about 10:30 or so and my heart was heavy but I was tired. I just knew that she was in major pain and hot and thirsty. I also knew that they had to wake her up every 30 minutes to check her. I was not allowed to be in the ICU so I did call to see how she was doing at around 4am and her mom called at 5am. All the nurse said was that she was doing well but the first night is difficult. When I got to the room, somehow, she had a card on my pillow for me to read. Of course, it was very encouraging for me. She was thinking about how I would be doing at night. I don't deserve her but it is too late for her. She made her vows!! haha
They let me see her at 9am this morning. When I came in, she didn't have that that massive thing on her chest and looked GREAT. She said it was a good night. Of course a good night to her is different than to most people. She is very positive. If the table was turned, I would have said that the night was horrible but not Terese. She was talkative and really looked good. It really calmed my nerves to see her doing so well. I don't know how long she will be in the hospital but I think they will take her out of ICU tomorrow if all is good. Please continue to pray for her since it is not over yet.
Thanks for all your calls and prayers. They really mean a bunch to me and our family.
Bruce
I finally got to see her at 9:45pm. She will be in ICU for 2 days. When I came into the ICU room, all I could see is her feet. She had a large something on from her knees to her neck. She immediately said "Is that my man?". I knew she was awake then and I smiled. I then went to her side so I could see her face and gave her a little kiss. She could barly move her head. To be honest, it was hard to see her like this. I know the surgery was successful and for that, I am very thankful but I felt very bad for her. The room was wicked hot and she was wicked thirsty. She kept wanting some ice but they would not give it to her. They didn't want her to get sick.
I got back to my hotel at about 10:30 or so and my heart was heavy but I was tired. I just knew that she was in major pain and hot and thirsty. I also knew that they had to wake her up every 30 minutes to check her. I was not allowed to be in the ICU so I did call to see how she was doing at around 4am and her mom called at 5am. All the nurse said was that she was doing well but the first night is difficult. When I got to the room, somehow, she had a card on my pillow for me to read. Of course, it was very encouraging for me. She was thinking about how I would be doing at night. I don't deserve her but it is too late for her. She made her vows!! haha
They let me see her at 9am this morning. When I came in, she didn't have that that massive thing on her chest and looked GREAT. She said it was a good night. Of course a good night to her is different than to most people. She is very positive. If the table was turned, I would have said that the night was horrible but not Terese. She was talkative and really looked good. It really calmed my nerves to see her doing so well. I don't know how long she will be in the hospital but I think they will take her out of ICU tomorrow if all is good. Please continue to pray for her since it is not over yet.
Thanks for all your calls and prayers. They really mean a bunch to me and our family.
Bruce
Sunday, December 13, 2009
It has been a Swell Season
It has been about 7 months since Terese has updated her blog. I think it is appropriate to do now since she is current in surgery. It is a long surgery (10-12 hours) and she will be in Mayo hospital for 5 to 7 days. Of course, we are hoping for 10 hours and 5 days. Please pray for her and the surgeon. Pray for a quick recovery. Also please come back here for any updates as it is difficult to update everyone by phone/email/text. We do covet your prayers more than you can know.
A very encouraging event happened to us a few weeks ago that I would like to share. Caleb introduced us to band called “Swell Season” a few years back. We got the movie “Once” and loved it and in turn, fell in love with the band. They won an academy award for best song in the movie “once”. It is definitely our favorite band not only together but also as individuals. Last October, we went to Tucson to listen to them in concert. It was so AWESOME for us. We thought we would never get an opportunity again to hear them in a setting like that (We were very close to the stage). It turned out that Caleb let me (Bruce) know that they were coming in November. I immediately bought tickets and their newest CD and a few days before the event, I surprised Terese with the CD and the tickets.
There is a song on their first CD called “Leave” that is very significant to Terese. It is really about a guy listening to his girlfriend break up with him and then he tells her thanks for the info but now it is time for you to leave. He sings it with such passion. It is really amazing. Terese would play this song daily as she would go into her radiation treatments and just belt it out. Of course, she would be talking about the cancer. Basically, you have taught me my lesson (cancer) now LEAVE!!!!! It was very powerful and emotional for both of us.
Unbeknown to me, Terese emailed their web site and asked anyone if they could pass along her letter to the lead singer (Greg Hanson). All the letter said was that she went through some cancer treatment and that the song LEAVE meant very much to her. She didn’t ask for anything in the email but only that if he sings it, there will be a gal with very short hair singing along with him. She got kind of a form email back from a producer that said he was going to sing that song during his solo time. Well, she thought nothing of it but was happy he was going to sing that song since radiation was not that far from her memory. They played for an hour or so and then the band left and he said that he wanted to dedicate this next song to “Theresa” and thanks for the lovely letter. Terese turns to me and says “That’s me!”. I just laughed since the name was not right and I didn’t know she send any email. But when the song started (LEAVE) and tears were swelling up in her eyes, I knew that the song was dedicated to her. I just hugged her and enjoyed the music. At the end of the song, Terese yells out “Thank YOU!!” and Greg responded “No, thank you!”. It made the night so very special.
Well, it didn’t end there. About 30 minutes later, he stopped again and this time said “I have another song that Terese would like” He asked if how to pronounce her name. The lights went on in the auditorium and he asked her to stand. They had a little dialog and then he sang this new song (dedicated to Terese) that we both have not heard but it was appropriate and wonderful. It was a great night!! We didn’t want it to end.
Thanks God!!
A very encouraging event happened to us a few weeks ago that I would like to share. Caleb introduced us to band called “Swell Season” a few years back. We got the movie “Once” and loved it and in turn, fell in love with the band. They won an academy award for best song in the movie “once”. It is definitely our favorite band not only together but also as individuals. Last October, we went to Tucson to listen to them in concert. It was so AWESOME for us. We thought we would never get an opportunity again to hear them in a setting like that (We were very close to the stage). It turned out that Caleb let me (Bruce) know that they were coming in November. I immediately bought tickets and their newest CD and a few days before the event, I surprised Terese with the CD and the tickets.
There is a song on their first CD called “Leave” that is very significant to Terese. It is really about a guy listening to his girlfriend break up with him and then he tells her thanks for the info but now it is time for you to leave. He sings it with such passion. It is really amazing. Terese would play this song daily as she would go into her radiation treatments and just belt it out. Of course, she would be talking about the cancer. Basically, you have taught me my lesson (cancer) now LEAVE!!!!! It was very powerful and emotional for both of us.
Unbeknown to me, Terese emailed their web site and asked anyone if they could pass along her letter to the lead singer (Greg Hanson). All the letter said was that she went through some cancer treatment and that the song LEAVE meant very much to her. She didn’t ask for anything in the email but only that if he sings it, there will be a gal with very short hair singing along with him. She got kind of a form email back from a producer that said he was going to sing that song during his solo time. Well, she thought nothing of it but was happy he was going to sing that song since radiation was not that far from her memory. They played for an hour or so and then the band left and he said that he wanted to dedicate this next song to “Theresa” and thanks for the lovely letter. Terese turns to me and says “That’s me!”. I just laughed since the name was not right and I didn’t know she send any email. But when the song started (LEAVE) and tears were swelling up in her eyes, I knew that the song was dedicated to her. I just hugged her and enjoyed the music. At the end of the song, Terese yells out “Thank YOU!!” and Greg responded “No, thank you!”. It made the night so very special.
Well, it didn’t end there. About 30 minutes later, he stopped again and this time said “I have another song that Terese would like” He asked if how to pronounce her name. The lights went on in the auditorium and he asked her to stand. They had a little dialog and then he sang this new song (dedicated to Terese) that we both have not heard but it was appropriate and wonderful. It was a great night!! We didn’t want it to end.
Thanks God!!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
One Down . . .
to my dear friends,
to set the record straight, i am not a blogger and do not know blogger "protocol." so, it has been a month since my last blog, kinda sounds like when i was a little girl in the confessional booth. please forgive my tardiness for this-it's gonna' be long.
as you all know, on the 16th of march, i had my surgery. my lovely husband gave you the facts surrounding the little details that followed.
the last month has been a time to physically heal as well as emotionally process all that has taken place in what seems to me to be a very short time. in this time, many appointments, blood work, nuclear tests were made. on monday i had an outpatient surgery to put in a "port." a port is a handy dandy way to administer chemo and other blood tests and not use my whimpy veins which seem to bruise/shut down if you look at them in the wrong way.
this past month has also been a time for me to cry out (sometimes weep) to the Lord. it has been a month that i must look at His truths and remind myself that these are the only truths that will empower, encourage, strengthen, and sustain me. as much as i love my docs (they are the best around) and they give me great medical hope, i want to place my trust in Jesus and in him alone. what would i do without Him? He continues to be my "hiding place."
this month has been a wonderful time of seeing the love of family, friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, people i do not know, old and new friends, health care workers- all meeting a need in our life for love, help and compassion in ways i never even imagined. i think this has been something that has overwhelmed me the most. i know there are so many pains and hardships in so many families all around us-but they keep giving, a call, an email, a blog post, a card, a meal, flowers, a visit from the sOnshine cleaning crew, these are too much for me take in but i feel so absolutely blessed and Not alone. thank you. i love you all like you will never know.
it has also been a time to see the beauty, protection, love and tenderness of my husband. as you can imagine, bruce is walking with me so closely. at times, wanting to be strong, he may build a hedge of protection around his sweet, tender heart. being the "toughie" i have always been, i "lovingly" (he he) remind him that this is the time to draw us closer to each other and to our Saviour, no time to build walls. (i hate walls by the way.) how precious to have a strong man who hears my heart and can weep with me and respond. how precious that he has other strong, Godly men to listen, pray, counsel, and love him. i pray that God continues to mold and shape us and uses this in our marriage and in the lives of others in the decades to come.
today was my first session of chemotherapy. i wore red lipstick thanks to cami and (stacey-my new favorite mac make-up girl.) it was lovely. bruce went for my first session, my mom stopped by with an iced mocha swirl latte from dunkin donuts (my once in three week chemo treat), my oldest and dearest friend, my brother mark-even stopped by for his lunch break. i met two new friends, susan and shelly, both breast cancer patients. susan was an alumni, shelly was new. it was like a mini counsel and "tips" session. encouraging and emotional. of course, the nurses, what precious and loving people. . . i am feeling good at the moment, and that is why i wanted to jet out this blog before i begin to feel the "effects" of the day. it helped when i arrived home to be greeted by flowers planted in our bare entryway by my dear friend trudes. (i love you!) nothing brightens a day more than little, colorful reminders of God's beauty.
1Peter 1:3-8
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ!
Lord Jesus, test my faith and may it be found to be genuine and faithful. i know this trial is for "a little while-" help me trust in You and You alone. i love You. terese
to set the record straight, i am not a blogger and do not know blogger "protocol." so, it has been a month since my last blog, kinda sounds like when i was a little girl in the confessional booth. please forgive my tardiness for this-it's gonna' be long.
as you all know, on the 16th of march, i had my surgery. my lovely husband gave you the facts surrounding the little details that followed.
the last month has been a time to physically heal as well as emotionally process all that has taken place in what seems to me to be a very short time. in this time, many appointments, blood work, nuclear tests were made. on monday i had an outpatient surgery to put in a "port." a port is a handy dandy way to administer chemo and other blood tests and not use my whimpy veins which seem to bruise/shut down if you look at them in the wrong way.
this past month has also been a time for me to cry out (sometimes weep) to the Lord. it has been a month that i must look at His truths and remind myself that these are the only truths that will empower, encourage, strengthen, and sustain me. as much as i love my docs (they are the best around) and they give me great medical hope, i want to place my trust in Jesus and in him alone. what would i do without Him? He continues to be my "hiding place."
this month has been a wonderful time of seeing the love of family, friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, people i do not know, old and new friends, health care workers- all meeting a need in our life for love, help and compassion in ways i never even imagined. i think this has been something that has overwhelmed me the most. i know there are so many pains and hardships in so many families all around us-but they keep giving, a call, an email, a blog post, a card, a meal, flowers, a visit from the sOnshine cleaning crew, these are too much for me take in but i feel so absolutely blessed and Not alone. thank you. i love you all like you will never know.
it has also been a time to see the beauty, protection, love and tenderness of my husband. as you can imagine, bruce is walking with me so closely. at times, wanting to be strong, he may build a hedge of protection around his sweet, tender heart. being the "toughie" i have always been, i "lovingly" (he he) remind him that this is the time to draw us closer to each other and to our Saviour, no time to build walls. (i hate walls by the way.) how precious to have a strong man who hears my heart and can weep with me and respond. how precious that he has other strong, Godly men to listen, pray, counsel, and love him. i pray that God continues to mold and shape us and uses this in our marriage and in the lives of others in the decades to come.
today was my first session of chemotherapy. i wore red lipstick thanks to cami and (stacey-my new favorite mac make-up girl.) it was lovely. bruce went for my first session, my mom stopped by with an iced mocha swirl latte from dunkin donuts (my once in three week chemo treat), my oldest and dearest friend, my brother mark-even stopped by for his lunch break. i met two new friends, susan and shelly, both breast cancer patients. susan was an alumni, shelly was new. it was like a mini counsel and "tips" session. encouraging and emotional. of course, the nurses, what precious and loving people. . . i am feeling good at the moment, and that is why i wanted to jet out this blog before i begin to feel the "effects" of the day. it helped when i arrived home to be greeted by flowers planted in our bare entryway by my dear friend trudes. (i love you!) nothing brightens a day more than little, colorful reminders of God's beauty.
1Peter 1:3-8
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ!
Lord Jesus, test my faith and may it be found to be genuine and faithful. i know this trial is for "a little while-" help me trust in You and You alone. i love You. terese
Friday, March 27, 2009
Update from Oncologist visit
On Wednesday afternoon, we went to see our oncologist (Dr. C.) to get all the details from the surgery. Our last update (Friday) was very brief from the surgeon's nurse.
Dr C. did confirm that the surgery was successful. No cancer was found on the right side. The cancerous masses were removed and 2 out of 20 lymph nodes did have cancer. As stated, margins were clear of cancer. Dr. C. told us that the cancer was rated at stage 3 (on a scale from 1-4). We were hoping that it would be staged at 2 since they "got it all" but since the size of the tumor was pretty large (5 cm) and it did enter the lymph nodes, it was rated at stage 3.
He told us that if we did nothing at all (chemo or radiation), the chances of returning was 75% and it would not be curable only treatable. Of course, we are going to do something and he recommended 6 sessions (every 3 weeks) of chemo and then 5 weeks of radiation just to put this cancer to bed! We are going to follow this advice to a T. The Dr is very hopeful especially with the preventative chemo and radiation.
We plan to start in 2 to 3 weeks.
Bruce
Dr C. did confirm that the surgery was successful. No cancer was found on the right side. The cancerous masses were removed and 2 out of 20 lymph nodes did have cancer. As stated, margins were clear of cancer. Dr. C. told us that the cancer was rated at stage 3 (on a scale from 1-4). We were hoping that it would be staged at 2 since they "got it all" but since the size of the tumor was pretty large (5 cm) and it did enter the lymph nodes, it was rated at stage 3.
He told us that if we did nothing at all (chemo or radiation), the chances of returning was 75% and it would not be curable only treatable. Of course, we are going to do something and he recommended 6 sessions (every 3 weeks) of chemo and then 5 weeks of radiation just to put this cancer to bed! We are going to follow this advice to a T. The Dr is very hopeful especially with the preventative chemo and radiation.
We plan to start in 2 to 3 weeks.
Bruce
Sunday, March 22, 2009
For all things . . .
"speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father." Ephesians 5:19-20
sunday, almost a week after my surgery. i cannot stop thinking of how thankful i am for what has been given to me. . . my thoughts are not fluid but i am able to list a few of my favorite things to be thankful for this week. some may make sense, others may not. i pray that in all things, regardless of circumstances, i am able to give thanks!
no one tells you what wonderful "things" a cancer diagnosis can bring into your life. i have never felt closer to my Lord, my family and friends. i wish we could all experience what i am experiencing on a day to day basis with or without a diagnosis. i do know that one day, we will truly live like we were meant to live, until that day, let us press on . . .
i am thankful for:
my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who promised that He would never leave me or forsake me-and He hasn't, a husband who sees me as beautiful, sons who are walking with me as they never have, longer hugs, tender kisses, lots of i love yous, a precious daughter in law who is "real" with me, the most beautiful granddaugther who makes me "forget" my circumstances with a little kiss, having a mom who is my "armor bearer", number one fan, protector as well as calf massager, having a brother who speaks and shares God's truth with me when he knows my heart can deceive me, having Cami who looks me straight in the eye and tells me to hide nothing from her even though i know it may cause her pain, having a brother who affirms to me that i am one of the most feminine women he knows, having grown up nephews who can say "i love you auntie," peace, a pink ribbon bracelet, having a "personal candy striper" who delivers onion rings and fries to my health conscious family during my surgery, love, joy, a "comfort box" made by the most awesome little friend, friends who are weeping with us, friends who want to rejoice with us, psalms that are read to me by my man, email prayers, text prayers, in person prayers, pizza party prayer meetings, prayers that continue to sustain me, blog responses, watching Godly men and family encourage Bruce, compassionate doctors and nurses, candace's homemade apple pie, mastectomies that rid my body of cancer, nuclear medicine, cards, letters, notes, flowers, pain killers, meals, desserts, golden spoons, friends who stick closer than a brother, hearing caleb play guitar, laughter, renewing times of worship, being stripped of modesty and vanity, new mercies each day, biopsies-18 out of 20 lymph nodes CANCER FREE-Hallelujah, watching friends return to Jesus and praying, cards like justin's that remind me that there is a precious, tender young man behind the tough 16 year old exterior (you know i love you) new friends, reconnecting with old friends, that being a daughter of the King is what defines me-not the external, God's promises, His presence, being barefoot-and loving it, dying to self with all "my" brilliant plans and agendas, that i can trust my Savior when i say "take my life and do with it as you please."
from a favorite hymn, "oh praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead-Jesus!"
sunday, almost a week after my surgery. i cannot stop thinking of how thankful i am for what has been given to me. . . my thoughts are not fluid but i am able to list a few of my favorite things to be thankful for this week. some may make sense, others may not. i pray that in all things, regardless of circumstances, i am able to give thanks!
no one tells you what wonderful "things" a cancer diagnosis can bring into your life. i have never felt closer to my Lord, my family and friends. i wish we could all experience what i am experiencing on a day to day basis with or without a diagnosis. i do know that one day, we will truly live like we were meant to live, until that day, let us press on . . .
i am thankful for:
my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who promised that He would never leave me or forsake me-and He hasn't, a husband who sees me as beautiful, sons who are walking with me as they never have, longer hugs, tender kisses, lots of i love yous, a precious daughter in law who is "real" with me, the most beautiful granddaugther who makes me "forget" my circumstances with a little kiss, having a mom who is my "armor bearer", number one fan, protector as well as calf massager, having a brother who speaks and shares God's truth with me when he knows my heart can deceive me, having Cami who looks me straight in the eye and tells me to hide nothing from her even though i know it may cause her pain, having a brother who affirms to me that i am one of the most feminine women he knows, having grown up nephews who can say "i love you auntie," peace, a pink ribbon bracelet, having a "personal candy striper" who delivers onion rings and fries to my health conscious family during my surgery, love, joy, a "comfort box" made by the most awesome little friend, friends who are weeping with us, friends who want to rejoice with us, psalms that are read to me by my man, email prayers, text prayers, in person prayers, pizza party prayer meetings, prayers that continue to sustain me, blog responses, watching Godly men and family encourage Bruce, compassionate doctors and nurses, candace's homemade apple pie, mastectomies that rid my body of cancer, nuclear medicine, cards, letters, notes, flowers, pain killers, meals, desserts, golden spoons, friends who stick closer than a brother, hearing caleb play guitar, laughter, renewing times of worship, being stripped of modesty and vanity, new mercies each day, biopsies-18 out of 20 lymph nodes CANCER FREE-Hallelujah, watching friends return to Jesus and praying, cards like justin's that remind me that there is a precious, tender young man behind the tough 16 year old exterior (you know i love you) new friends, reconnecting with old friends, that being a daughter of the King is what defines me-not the external, God's promises, His presence, being barefoot-and loving it, dying to self with all "my" brilliant plans and agendas, that i can trust my Savior when i say "take my life and do with it as you please."
from a favorite hymn, "oh praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead-Jesus!"
Friday, March 20, 2009
Some really great news!!
Today, we went to the surgeon's office to get one of the drainage tubes taken out. The nurse took out all 4 of them. That was a blessing to have those gone. As her husband, I am just glad that they are out. I love her like crazy but I am glad they are out.
Now for the great news:
When the nurse came in, she had the results of the lymph node cancer test that they did. We didn't think it would be done but it was. Only 2 out of 20 had cancer in them. All others were cancer free. She said that all margins were cancer free too so they believe they got all cancer out of Terese. We were both crying in the office from joy. The nurse even started to tear up too. She still will have to go through chemo just to make sure but we are very thankful that the surgery got it all. Thanks for all your prayers. She is doing so well. She is sleeping well and we go for walks. Our time together is sweet.
Bruce
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Terese is home now
Terese is now home from the hospital!! She is strong considering what she went through. She was given the opportunity to stay one more day but was feeling well enough to come home today and is doing very well. Thanks for all your prayer. I am going to let her give more insight when she is more available to write.
Bruce
Bruce
Monday, March 16, 2009
terese update
From Bruce.
Terese just got out of surgery and I just chatted with the Dr. He said it went well. No cancer on right side but it appears to be in the lymph nodes on the left. She is still under. Pray for her emotional being now and a full recovery.
Bruce
Terese just got out of surgery and I just chatted with the Dr. He said it went well. No cancer on right side but it appears to be in the lymph nodes on the left. She is still under. Pray for her emotional being now and a full recovery.
Bruce
hiding place
I woke up singing the words to an old, familiar song. It is 2:30 in the morning and in a few hours, I will be going in for surgery. The words of this song, based on Psalm 32:7, give me great peace.
"You are my hiding place
You always fill my heart
With songs of deliverance
Whenever I am afraid
I will trust in You
I will trust in You
Let the weak say
I am strong
In the strength of the Lord"
He is my hiding place, I will put my trust in Him. I pray these words echo in my thoughts all morning and I will enter the hospital with a song of deliverance in my heart!
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23:6
Friday, March 6, 2009
barefoot
my friend bonnie has given me a book entitled "the gospel according to job" by mike mason. from a chapter entitled "uselessness" the author writes: "how interesting it is that when the Lord appeared to Moses, and later to Joshua, to each of them He said the same thing: 'take off your sandals, for the place where your are standing is holy ground' (Ex. 3:5, Josh. 5:15). why should you take off your shoes in the Lord's presence? because without shoes you are not going anywhere. you might try to walk, but you will not get very far, especially in the hot sand and sharp rocks of the wilderness. taking off one's shoes may not be quite as drastic as cutting off one's feet, but it amounts to the same thing. barefootedness means immobilization and so it is a symbol of submission. being immobile (in other words, having nothing better to do) is a prerequisite for worship, and worship is the prerequisite for all activity, all service."
this paragraph was shared by bonnie to me just a few days before my breast cancer diagnosis. i will admit, when she read it to me, my eyes swelled up with tears. i don't want to be made immobile but yet, i do desire to submit to Him. i love "my" life, i want to serve my Lord-being immobile does not fit into "my" plan. but through it all, i know that i am standing before Him, my King on holy ground. if He asks me to remove my shoes, off they go, i trust Him, i love Him and i will worship Him standing still with barefeet.
Don't Waste Your Cancer
Pastor and Author John Piper wrote this before his prostate surgery. I have received great peace from reading the following and hope it encourages you in any area of personal suffering.
1. You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.
It will not do to say that God only uses our cancer but does not design it. What God permits, he permits for a reason. And that reason is his design. If God foresees molecular developments becoming cancer, he can stop it or not. If he does not, he has a purpose. Since he is infinitely wise, it is right to call this purpose a design. Satan is real and causes many pleasures and pains. But he is not ultimate. So when he strikes Job with boils (Job 2:7), Job attributes it ultimately to God (2:10) and the inspired writer agrees: “They . . . comforted him for all the evil that the Lord had brought upon him” (Job 42:11). If you don’t believe your cancer is designed for you by God, you will waste it.
1. You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.
It will not do to say that God only uses our cancer but does not design it. What God permits, he permits for a reason. And that reason is his design. If God foresees molecular developments becoming cancer, he can stop it or not. If he does not, he has a purpose. Since he is infinitely wise, it is right to call this purpose a design. Satan is real and causes many pleasures and pains. But he is not ultimate. So when he strikes Job with boils (Job 2:7), Job attributes it ultimately to God (2:10) and the inspired writer agrees: “They . . . comforted him for all the evil that the Lord had brought upon him” (Job 42:11). If you don’t believe your cancer is designed for you by God, you will waste it.
2. You will waste your cancer if you believe it is a curse and not a gift.
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us” (Galatians 3:13). “There is no enchantment against Jacob, no divination against Israel” (Numbers 23:23). “The Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11).
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us” (Galatians 3:13). “There is no enchantment against Jacob, no divination against Israel” (Numbers 23:23). “The Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11).
3. You will waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God.
The design of God in your cancer is not to train you in the rationalistic, human calculation of odds. The world gets comfort from their odds. Not Christians. Some count their chariots (percentages of survival) and some count their horses (side effects of treatment), but we trust in the name of the Lord our God (Psalm 20:7). God’s design is clear from 2 Corinthians 1:9, “We felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.” The aim of God in your cancer (among a thousand other good things) is to knock props out from under our hearts so that we rely utterly on him.
The design of God in your cancer is not to train you in the rationalistic, human calculation of odds. The world gets comfort from their odds. Not Christians. Some count their chariots (percentages of survival) and some count their horses (side effects of treatment), but we trust in the name of the Lord our God (Psalm 20:7). God’s design is clear from 2 Corinthians 1:9, “We felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.” The aim of God in your cancer (among a thousand other good things) is to knock props out from under our hearts so that we rely utterly on him.
4. You will waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death.
We will all die, if Jesus postpones his return. Not to think about what it will be like to leave this life and meet God is folly. Ecclesiastes 7:2 says, “It is better to go to the house of mourning [a funeral] than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart.” How can you lay it to heart if you won’t think about it? Psalm 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” Numbering your days means thinking about how few there are and that they will end. How will you get a heart of wisdom if you refuse to think about this? What a waste, if we do not think about death.
We will all die, if Jesus postpones his return. Not to think about what it will be like to leave this life and meet God is folly. Ecclesiastes 7:2 says, “It is better to go to the house of mourning [a funeral] than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart.” How can you lay it to heart if you won’t think about it? Psalm 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” Numbering your days means thinking about how few there are and that they will end. How will you get a heart of wisdom if you refuse to think about this? What a waste, if we do not think about death.
5. You will waste your cancer if you think that “beating” cancer means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ.
Satan’s and God’s designs in your cancer are not the same. Satan designs to destroy your love for Christ. God designs to deepen your love for Christ. Cancer does not win if you die. It wins if you fail to cherish Christ. God’s design is to wean you off the breast of the world and feast you on the sufficiency of Christ. It is meant to help you say and feel, “I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” And to know that therefore, “To live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Philippians 3:8; 1:21).
Satan’s and God’s designs in your cancer are not the same. Satan designs to destroy your love for Christ. God designs to deepen your love for Christ. Cancer does not win if you die. It wins if you fail to cherish Christ. God’s design is to wean you off the breast of the world and feast you on the sufficiency of Christ. It is meant to help you say and feel, “I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” And to know that therefore, “To live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Philippians 3:8; 1:21).
6. You will waste your cancer if you spend too much time reading about cancer and not enough time reading about God.
It is not wrong to know about cancer. Ignorance is not a virtue. But the lure to know more and more and the lack of zeal to know God more and more is symptomatic of unbelief. Cancer is meant to waken us to the reality of God. It is meant to put feeling and force behind the command, “Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord” (Hosea 6:3). It is meant to waken us to the truth of Daniel 11:32, “The people who know their God shall stand firm and take action.” It is meant to make unshakable, indestructible oak trees out of us: “His delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers” (Psalm 1:2). What a waste of cancer if we read day and night about cancer and not about God.
It is not wrong to know about cancer. Ignorance is not a virtue. But the lure to know more and more and the lack of zeal to know God more and more is symptomatic of unbelief. Cancer is meant to waken us to the reality of God. It is meant to put feeling and force behind the command, “Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord” (Hosea 6:3). It is meant to waken us to the truth of Daniel 11:32, “The people who know their God shall stand firm and take action.” It is meant to make unshakable, indestructible oak trees out of us: “His delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers” (Psalm 1:2). What a waste of cancer if we read day and night about cancer and not about God.
7. You will waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection.
When Epaphroditus brought the gifts to Paul sent by the Philippian church he became ill and almost died. Paul tells the Philippians, “He has been longing for you all and has been distressed because you heard that he was ill” (Philippians 2:26-27). What an amazing response! It does not say they were distressed that he was ill, but that he was distressed because they heard he was ill. That is the kind of heart God is aiming to create with cancer: a deeply affectionate, caring heart for people. Don’t waste your cancer by retreating into yourself.
When Epaphroditus brought the gifts to Paul sent by the Philippian church he became ill and almost died. Paul tells the Philippians, “He has been longing for you all and has been distressed because you heard that he was ill” (Philippians 2:26-27). What an amazing response! It does not say they were distressed that he was ill, but that he was distressed because they heard he was ill. That is the kind of heart God is aiming to create with cancer: a deeply affectionate, caring heart for people. Don’t waste your cancer by retreating into yourself.
8. You will waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope.
Paul used this phrase in relation to those whose loved ones had died: “We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13). There is a grief at death. Even for the believer who dies, there is temporary loss—loss of body, and loss of loved ones here, and loss of earthly ministry. But the grief is different—it is permeated with hope. “We would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:8). Don’t waste your cancer grieving as those who don’t have this hope.
Paul used this phrase in relation to those whose loved ones had died: “We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13). There is a grief at death. Even for the believer who dies, there is temporary loss—loss of body, and loss of loved ones here, and loss of earthly ministry. But the grief is different—it is permeated with hope. “We would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:8). Don’t waste your cancer grieving as those who don’t have this hope.
9. You will waste your cancer if you treat sin as casually as before.
Are your besetting sins as attractive as they were before you had cancer? If so you are wasting your cancer. Cancer is designed to destroy the appetite for sin. Pride, greed, lust, hatred, unforgiveness, impatience, laziness, procrastination—all these are the adversaries that cancer is meant to attack. Don’t just think of battling against cancer. Also think of battling with cancer. All these things are worse enemies than cancer. Don’t waste the power of cancer to crush these foes. Let the presence of eternity make the sins of time look as futile as they really are. “What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?” (Luke 9:25).
Are your besetting sins as attractive as they were before you had cancer? If so you are wasting your cancer. Cancer is designed to destroy the appetite for sin. Pride, greed, lust, hatred, unforgiveness, impatience, laziness, procrastination—all these are the adversaries that cancer is meant to attack. Don’t just think of battling against cancer. Also think of battling with cancer. All these things are worse enemies than cancer. Don’t waste the power of cancer to crush these foes. Let the presence of eternity make the sins of time look as futile as they really are. “What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?” (Luke 9:25).
10. You will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ.
Christians are never anywhere by divine accident. There are reasons for why we wind up where we do. Consider what Jesus said about painful, unplanned circumstances: “They will lay their hands on you and persecute you, delivering you up to the synagogues and prisons, and you will be brought before kings and governors for my name’s sake. This will be your opportunity to bear witness” (Luke 21:12 -13). So it is with cancer. This will be an opportunity to bear witness. Christ is infinitely worthy. Here is a golden opportunity to show that he is worth more than life. Don’t waste it.
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